I didn’t want to write today.
Well, that’s not entirely true. I did want to. Mostly. I mean, I thought about it all day. I had a lot of things to say. Important things to get down. New ideas for stories, possible thoughts for my second novel, which in and of itself is strange considering I have not completed, submitted, or published my first. I wanted to write today, I really did, but I was feeling a little defiant about it because I felt pressured to write. Anyone who knows me knows that anytime I feel pressured or obligated to do something…I will completely shut down. I do the things I do because I want to, because I choose to and because doing them brings me happiness. But as soon as I feel like I HAVE to do something, or someone gives me the impression that I MUST do something…I get a little resentful.
Ultimately, I think what I really needed was a day off. I mean seriously, people work 40 hours per week or more, for five days each week…or more…and they need a day off. That’s really all I needed. I think. And that would have been ok. Right? The strange thing is, I encourage people to take time off to relax their minds and bodies all the time. Another writer taking part in this 31 day challenge posted a statement saying that she was tired and not writing that day…and I applauded her. She wasn’t tired of writing, she was just tired in general and recognized that she needed a break. And some part of me was feeling that today. I was perfectly content to watch football for six hours, maybe have a little rum or some tequila, and then settle into a movie or catch up on the DVR. But…as I recently told someone…we are all slaves to our art.
I am a slave to my art and write now that art is writing.
That’s why I put so much pressure on myself to get something down, especially when I have committed to doing something each day. I dare say the same can be true of anyone who does something that they enjoy each day. If you’re into fitness, you work out a little bit each day. If you’re a chef you cannot wait to get into the kitchen to create something phenomenal. Photographers take their cameras everywhere…just in case that amazing shot comes into view. And quite frankly, at the end of the day, it feels good. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it feels as if I’ve accomplished something. It feels as if I’ve successfully taken the day and found a way to decompress from the pressures and stressors…natural and otherwise. Mostly though, it feels as if I’ve taken the English language to explain how I feel so that someone else can take the words, read them, absorb them and hopefully understand one simple truth.
When you do what you love everyday, at least for a little while, it’s no longer obligation…it’s just who you are.
And that’s a little bit of alright!